I put forth that PUSH BUTT is likely the most consistently user-modified piece of writing in humankind’s history. I can’t comment on the literary customs of the world’s ladies rooms (though I have my suspicions), but a mens room is just not a mens room without at least one good PUSH BUTT.
PUSH BUTT is a time-honored tradition. You see a pristine PUSH BUTTON and you take out your keys or a coin or find a little rock, and you scratch off the ON. Period. Because over the years PUSH BUTTON has ceased to have meaning. When I see it unaltered, it appears like an aberation and I’m unsettled until it’s put right. It should be PUSH BUTT. Every guy knows when his hands are wet, he is to PUSH BUTT, then rub them briskly under a nearby nozzle. A superfluous ON just obscures matters. And who knows? If an average Joe is not conveniently reminded to PUSH BUTT, he may become flummoxed and stand there dripping, wondering how to proceed, all while other men queue up, waiting impatiently to PUSH BUTT.
PUSH BUTT is mandatory. There was a time when PUSH BUTT was humorous and nothing more. But those days are long past. Lavatory comedy has evolved and we have modern “bacon dispensers” to serve that purpose. PUSH BUTT, on the other hand, is as necessary a mens room implement as a non-working hand soap dispenser, an antiseptic pink urinal puck, a non-locking stall door, or PUSH BUTT’s own distant cousin: a mirror-scrawled FUCK YOURSELF. I expect to be greeted by these things in the can. Indeed, I’m thinking about installing all these upgrades in my home restroom. I could have PUSH BUTT monogrammed onto all my towels, but things get really complicated when you start co-mingling machines and linens.
Anyway, think about it. People say we don’t have traditions anymore. That we are a culture that only looks forward, with no respect for those things that ought to be consistent, universal, out-of-time. I say: not so. Traditions do still exist, you just need to look more closely. And I submit PUSH BUTT as the evidence.
